I stopped writing. And I don’t even know why. I thought I knew why I started writing, because I was so sure I had something valuable to share with the world, because I had been so inspired that I too thought that perhaps, maybe, I could inspire others in return. But somewhere along the line, I started to doubt myself. It wasn’t that I ran out of ideas, I ran out of confidence. As I flip through my notes, I couldn’t muster the courage to translate my bullet point thoughts into paragraphed passages. I have hit a wall.
I could dismiss it as a simple case of a writer’s block and call it a day but if I had done that, I would never be able to move forward, regain my lost momentum and pick up the pen again.
A dear friend once told me that I reminded her of Paul Carr, she told me I should keep writing but I must first find my focus, my reason to write. I completely agree with the latter, but I think she gives me far too much credit with the former.
Another friend said I reminded her of Khailee, an old friend who also happens to be something of a poetry genius, a person who garners a lot of respect from me.
Others have also expressed concern as to why I have taken a hiatus….
“You have a good blog, don’t stop!” One said.
“You keep me interested, keep writing.”
“You’re good at stringing words together.”
For all I know, they could all be right. But if they are right, then why do I feel the exact opposite? Am I too critical of my work? No. I’m probably not as good as they say I am, even less so than the people they have likened me to, but I didn’t stop because I knew my lack of talent or potential, I’ve always known that. I stopped because I didn’t know why I was writing. I stopped because I lost perspective. I stopped because I got lazy. I stopped, because life would still go on regardless. I didn’t stop because no one believed in me, I stopped because I stopped believing.
“So what happened to your blog? You stopped writing?”
“Yeah I’ve been busy….”
Yep. That’s bullshit and I knew it. Runners hit walls, writers get blocks, but fighters will keep on fighting. I don’t know why I started writing. I still don’t know why I started writing again. But this time I’m willing to keep running, keep writing and keep fighting to find out why. Runners hit walls, writers get blocks, and fighters, well fighters, keep fighting.
Author’s note: To all of you who have inspired me, encouraged me and believed in me – Thank you, I will keep fighting.